Ed Ends Here
by Profit Prophet
Summary: The Eds have been friends as long as they can remember. Nothing can change that... right? Now the boys have to decide whether their friendship can withstand scams gone wrong, driving school, and Kankers.


When he pressed his face up against the window like that, it made a misty impression of his face on the window. He pulled his face back and looked it. With a lopsided grin, he put his finger in its center, where his nose had been, and started scribbling lines in the condensation. _Mom says only little boys do that. Not anymore when you're seventeen,_ he inwardly scolded himself. But he continued anyway. The appeal of the drawing surface was just too great.

That didn't last long. "Ed, I don't think Eddy will appreciate your finger prints all over his window." Double D said calmly, his words filled with disapproval for Ed's choice of amusement.

Ed gave Double D a balky look. "Aw, come on Double D. He's not even up yet."

Concerned above all with his friends' cleanliness, he gave the spot on the window a wipe with his sleeve. Once he looked beyond the window into the jumbled room within, he had to mentally pick through all the records, magazines and clothes to locate Eddy, who was wrapped up in his sheets in the center of his round bed. Double D sighed. "I would say he looks like an angel, but it wouldn't quite fit."

"He doesn't have a halo. And he's drooling!" Ed pointed and gave a deep laugh.

Ed produced a new circle of mist from his breath on the window. It wasn't a cold morning, but it was cool, as October mornings are. Eddy was obviously taking the opportunity to sleep in, a luxury he didn't have during the week. The boys were standing at the mouth of the cul-de-sac waiting for the bus at 6:30 in the morning Monday to Friday; of course they would want to sleep late when the chance came! "It's almost noon. We really need to get him up. I'll just knock gently on the window."

"Yeah," Ed nodded in full agreement. "You don't want to wake him up when he's sleeping. The little dickens!"

Double D shook his head. "No, you missed the point. I'll have to wake him up so he can let us in."

It took some figuring to get the situation sorted out in his head, but Ed managed to put all the pieces together. "Then why don't you just knock loud?"

Now it was Double D's turn to agree.

This was the way things had been for years, as long as they, or anyone else, could remember. All three boys had lived in Peach Creek Estates their entire lives. It seemed that they were destined to be friends forever. Their parents had been close friends, so close that they each gave their son the same name — Edward. And the boys grew up with a unity most friends don't have. They were almost brothers.

Brothers. That was how Eddy saw it as the tapping on his window increased in volume and jerked him roughly awake. Exactly how his brother woke him before he went away. Except the noise wouldn't give him noogies or bruises. It was still irritating, but a pillow could fix that. Now he could hear Ed and Double D calling him from outside. Eddy wanted to open his eyes to see what time it was, but his eyelids didn't want to open; it felt like they were glued together. Forcing them open, he read the big green digits of his clock. Although the numbers were blurred by fuzzy halos, he could see that it read 11:57 AM.

Seeing him moving, the other two Eds had stopped pounding on the window. Eddy could have rolled over and slept until three if he wanted, but he decided against it. Sleeping didn't make any money. With his eyes halfway open, he slid out of bed. It made no difference to him that he was only wearing a pair of boxers. They woke him up; if they didn't like the way he looked, that was their problem.

Eddy opened the door and tried not to look angry, which he wasn't really, just tired. Double D crossed his arms to keep himself from shivering and partly in mock frustration. But he made no attempt to hide his gappy smile. "Well, I'm glad you decided to get up today," he said with the sarcasm he reserved for his friends.

After having been awake only a few minutes, Eddy didn't see the humour in it. "Yeah yeah." Under his breath he added, "You're worse than my mother." He turned and went back into his room, with Ed and Double D right behind him. Pulling the hairnet he wore every night off his head, he tossed it in the direction of his bed, then reached into his closet and pulled out a shirt and some jeans. Ed was already exploring under the bed while Double D stood nearby, watching him critically. As if he was afraid of touching the clutter that covered Eddy's floor, Double D carefully nudged a few objects aside with the tip of his shoe. Eddy watched him do this, but said nothing.

Suddenly, Ed surfaced from under Eddy's bed. He wasn't smiling, and a look of urgency made him look much smarter than he normally did. "Can I have these?" begged, holding up a half empty bag of potato chips.

Double D made a protesting face and stared at Eddy. Fastening a chain to his jeans, Eddy shrugged. "Knock yourself out, big guy. I mean they've been there since my birthday."

Grateful, Ed took the chips and disappeared back under the bed. The only noise in the room now was the drone of the heater, Ed's muffled chewing, and Eddy combing gel into his hair. Normally, Double D would appreciate the silence, but in Eddy's room it was a different story. He could only imagine that Eddy was already considering a wide range of scams, and from the other end of the room, he could almost hear the wheels grinding. That was one thing that never changed, no matter how many years went by — Eddy was always hungry for money because he was always hungry for jawbreakers.

Softly clearing his throat, Double D looked to Eddy, secretly hoping the scam of the day would at least have a chance of success. "So what are your plans for us today?"

Eddy gave it little thought as he smoothed his hair into place. "Meh, I dunno. Something will come to me."

"Give it some thought. But you do realize we would be better off with something simple than something overly complex." Double D clasped his hands, filled with youthful enthusiasm. Sixteen years had not jaded his innocent curiosity or dulled his inventiveness. Nothing thrilled him more than an idea.

When Eddy turned away from the mirror, he stared at Double D in a way that clearly said, _And what do you have in mind, Dr. Double Bypass? _But for the sake of collaboration, Eddy kept quiet and waited for the rest.

"Just once, Eddy! Could we try a little honest work? Think of it — the youthful excitement of selling homemade cookies; or perhaps we could take advantage of the season and rake leaves. It's all in the spirit of business." Ed crawled out from under Eddy's bed with a burp and crashed on top of the bed, sensing the conversation becoming interesting.

Double D said _cookies_.

Now he sat there twiddling his thumbs and waiting for Eddy to approve the plan. Cookies and jawbreakers. That was a win-win in Ed's book. For now, he could amuse himself with his thumbs and a couple of plastic toys he found under Eddy's bed, which had become his new treasure trove of interesting finds.

To Ed's surprise, Eddy held back a laugh. "Cookies and raking leaves? What am I, an Urban Ranger? We're more original than that."

"Hope springs eternal. I was only considering trying something simple for once." Now the smile on Double D's face was slightly more forced. Eddy was their so-called leader, but how was that decided?

Eddy wiped his hands on his jeans to get rid of the hair gel. Approaching them, he struck an overconfident pose. "Have I ever steered you guys wrong?"

Quickly, Double D shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at the floor. "It has been known to happen," he mumbled.

Pretending he didn't hear the comment, Eddy shifted his attention to Ed. "Come on, _you_ know things always work out for the best. Right, Lumpy?"

When he heard Eddy speaking directly to him, Ed looked up from the plastic figurines in his hands. "Yeah! Long live Captain Eddy."

"Captain Eddy," Eddy repeated thoughtfully. Admiring himself again in the mirror, he grinned at his reflection. "I like that."

Double D shook his head, but smiled. This was the boy who led every money making venture they tried out. A boy who slept in leopard print boxers under a mirror ball, so he could see his reflection in the dozens of tiny silver squares; who looked at dirty magazines by the light of a lava lamp. A worldly, sexy, tough, jaded leader who was actually an immature, selfish virgin who lived in fear of his brother. And yet somehow, he had convinced both Ed and Double D to follow him. _He's the ideal scam artist_, Double D thought, watching Eddy admire himself. _He's fooled **us** into thinking he is someone other than who he is_. But of course, Double D would never tell him so. Instead, he asked, "So what would you suggest, Captain Eddy?"

Eddy plopped down on his bed beside Ed, and once Double D had cleared a path in the clutter, he sat next to Eddy. Resting his head on his fist, Eddy searched for something new and original; anything that would beat out the possibility of raking leaves. It wasn't just the stale idea that turned him off, but raking leaves involved raking, which was more work than he cared to do for a couple of quarters. If he was willing to do that much work, he would have gotten a real job. A better option, he thought, was something eye-catching that would convince the kids it was worth paying for, whether it was or not. Something that didn't take up an entire afternoon that should be spent buying and eating jawbreakers, not earning the money.

At the same time, Double D was trying to piece together his own ideas. Not that Eddy would accept any of them willingly. Eddy was the type who was always right, even when he was wrong.

Constantly, Eddy shifted his position, as if the movement would help him think. Ed was trying to think too, not wanting to be left out. His eyebrow furrowed, and he ran one hand through his buzz cut. Then he returned to playing with the figurines in his hands to help him think. He had found two green plastic aliens during his expedition under the bed, and to his delight, their eyes lit up when he pressed the buttons on their backs. Soon, all thought had been pushed aside; the aliens were much more interesting.

Flashes from the oval shaped eyes danced across Eddy and Double D as Ed reenacted a battle from his newest favorite movie. "Take _that_, Xerox!" he threatened, and crashed the two aliens into each other.

Eddy was trying everything humanly possible to hold back his frustration at the noise and lights, but tried desperately to restrain himself. _Sure, he's annoying sometimes, but he's not trying to be… right?_ Eddy's scheming was interrupted, and he knew he would have to interrupt Ed's playtime.

"That's enough!" Eddy shouted, grabbing Ed's wrists and pulled them away from each other. Ed looked stunned, the smile disappeared from his face. He blinked one eye, then the other. "What are those, anyway?" Eddy took the aliens, although Ed was reluctant to give them up.

"Ed, was your mind wandering again?" Double D peered around Eddy to see Ed's big grin forming again.

A big grin was forming on Eddy's face to match. "Only wandering right into a gold mine! Do you know what these are?"

Double D studied the figurines Eddy held in his face. Ed was reaching for them again, so Double D knew he would have to guess quickly. "Toys?"

"Not just toys. Aliens. Do you know how much kids would pay to see _real_ aliens?" Eddy put his arms around his friends' shoulders. "A lot!" His eyes were wide at the thought of the entire cul-de-sac lined up for a look at an "alien." Ed was equally excited by the idea. Not only had he helped Eddy come up with it, but it was just the kind of thing that he might have come up with on his own.

Even Double D was slightly enthusiastic; not even he and his friends could hurt each other putting this together. But that didn't make him any more confident that it would work. "If you say so."

"I know so. Come on, guys. If we hurry, we can make a crop circle in the woods before you can say _Close Encounters."_ With that, Eddy vaulted off his bed, nimbly for a heavyset boy, and opened his door to the outside.

Ed was right behind him, skipping over piles of clothes and nearly tripping on a magazine. "Close encounters of the Ed kind!"

Ed and Eddy ran out the door, not even bothering to close it behind them, and dashed off in the direction of the woods. Carefully, to avoid touching anything unpleasant or falling on his face, Double D waded through Eddy's room to the door. "Messy messy messy. Once we finish this, then we can work on this room." Stopping himself, Double D turned and quickly straightened Eddy's bed. Then he hurried out the door after the others.


End file.
